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I am dying. I am dying and there's nothing I can do about it. I know this, but I refuse to believe that I will just fade away quietly: that when I'm gone and when those that knew me are gone, that there will be nothing more of me in existence. I want to be remembered; I want to make a mark. Is it not the human condition to desire this?

I feel that no matter what good thing I attempt to pursue, it takes me somewhere that I had never intended to be, and that much further from my goal. Every consequent step taking me further down a tangential path I never consciously made. I have two hands and a voice and the knowledge of how to use them, but I feel less and less that I am competent enough even to do that.

I don't desire fortune or fame, but at least profundity. I do desire to be a good person. I strive to be the best person that I can be, and I am not blind to the fact that I am clearly not achieving this goal. As each day passes, I feel myself sitting idly by as my potential slips and my window of opportunity closes a little more. I am dying. I am dying, and I need to do something about it.
Just some thoughts:

No, I'm not actually terminal, not in an immediate sense lol

I scribbled out this little bit of prose one night, and I didn't know what to do with it. So I thought I'd share it with you. 
Hopefully by the end of reading it, it doesn't seem like too much of a downer, but rather a place to start: an...impetus, so to speak :P
I like sharing my thoughts like this. You might expect to see more of these from me in the future :)


Featured here:
Celebrating Diversity #31Once again I'm celebrating diversity! Last month I ventured into the Artisan Crafts gallery to find some pretty epic pieces of work. This month I'm wandering into Literature - Prose. The idea behind this series of Articles is for us to step outside of our comfort zones, venture into places we usually ignore because we either don't have the time - or we don't understand them. For me, Literature is a great solace, and I too often forget to wander through the literature gallery here on deviantART. Let's rectify that right now...

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DolceVie Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014
As one wise man once put it: there are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. With a bit of humor and (self) irony, possibly, one could rather easily survive both. I also think there is no window of opportunity, it's illusionary and limiting in every sense to think that. Just pursue as long as your heart/soul tells you so :)

IlBiancoNeve Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
yep, U are dying! ME is dying! ALL OF US are born to die ... shit, hmm? without the sight of death life would be meaningless... I will link "Carmen" here :…
AnnetteScribbles Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is just beautiful! I can really get a feel for the pure emotion and how the words flow. this is most lovely. When I write I tend to forget my surrounding I forget the world around me a go to the place of thought and memory. as if I am there in the place, time and thought as I write. I can really see that you put all your emotion into this piece. 
I wish you my best friend
~Haley Argh! Stupid writer's block. 
Manlarr Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014   Photographer
scarlettdeviant2 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
seems like your in my head.....
OdinofOld Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm going to sleep on this and comment in the morning as I'm getting weak now.
I believe I can speak with some authority on the matter.
Sacramosis Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist
I know exactly what you mean.
barefootmamax6 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yup, nobody gets out alive, not one single person.we can only busy ourselves to forget
TMaeth Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2014
;-( just wow!
KingfisherSilentArmy Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Very interesting!
Maggiesdaisy Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014  Student General Artist
my condensed version could be "shit happen; move on as best as you can; do no harm"   

But I like your version much better: even if it did kinda make me sad. :D (Big Grin) 
Eureka2000 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014
That was beautiful.
VeritablyV Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I do so intimately know, of what your prose does show.  I find the more I grasp desperately, the more I feed into insanity.  I don't want that destiny, no, that's not for me.  I see the only constant is change.  I can be a part of that change.  Ripples will flow out from me, touching the world in ways I cannot see.  And you, your words have touched me, with their very profundity!  We are an interdependent part of the whole, made up of each individual human soul.
cskalinsky Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Professional Photographer
Not a downer at all, just thoughts beautifully conveyed. Thanks for sharing.
NearingPineForest Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
--means you know how to encompass the worth of temporal space
LadyAlchemy83 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I enjoyed this.
We are all dying; the ones that make the difference are those that understand and accept this and in doing such do their best to make the most of the short time we are given here. Those that find the passion to make a difference are the ones that I admire. :)
yellowsmoke321 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I believe in the after life, but it still scares me I am going to die.  I want to die peacefully in my sleep.

pretty thoughts of words you wrote here :)
neutron88 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014
there have been maybe 100 billion people-- total-- living on earth throughout history. we remember comparatively few-- among them, galileo, jesus, michaelangelo, kant, alexander-the-great. the point being, many great and wonderful people have existed. success is something only you can judge for yourself. 
Eden-Kitsch Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
A nice reminder of the power in the present moment. Beautifully said Modern
SplotchtheNirakian Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013
;0;ahhhh so... Beautiful...
bugadrienne Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Motivating. :D
Shyll-j Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think many artists feel this way...or people in general. I've learned though you the more you want something with such intensity the less likely it will happen. When you can set desire aside and simply enjoy creating (Zen) everything seems to fall in place.  Therefore maybe you could strive to be in the moment as much as possible and do your best, then step aside and let it go. Life isn’t about what you achieve it’s about learning to enjoy what is, regardless if it meets our Great Expectations or not. *grin*

I enjoyed reading your thoughts, and don't mind me I'm just rambling.
Wildflower692 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Professional General Artist

foriamilya Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013
Lovely prose. Thought provoking and simple, deep and candid. I always enjoy your writing, when you find it in yourself to share. :)
kenziehop01 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Student Artist
i seriously cried of how beautiful that was no lie i swear to god
lichtie Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013

It's is strange that one day you wake up and find that you have wasted so many years on nothing that you can be proud of having had accomplished.

You're right when you say it is not an end but a beginning. (existentialist?)

Wufpacker Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Dude, these words are profound.  Am sorry I missed this until now.

Well done.
Arte-de-Junqueiro Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Gary - you speak the truth... We all to often"float" through life - not really aiming in a targeted way for where we want to go and what we are "determined" to achieve. Maybe that's the issue - we are not sufficiently determined.. but if we also focus to rigidly on achieving something specific, we can miss out on other great opportunities... And there we have the "rub"...

We are all dying - some will achieve this end sooner than others... so make the journey worthwhile - let people touch your life and you will touch theirs!! What more can one do for immortality is as elusive as continued mortality.. just LIVE being true to you!! :thumbsup:
applejaxxs Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
i do have cancer... and i feel exactly like that sometime you thought thief... :) i love it
applejaxxs Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
thats great.....i like it
HeatherBr Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013
So very real to so many and put so well in how you wrote it. Reflection and perspective.
Liettore Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing! I can tell you are a songwriter :)
RebeKahsOwnPlace Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Great! not that your not dieing but that your window of opportunity has not been fervently  opened. Not just to anyone
of course. But maybe you have that window upstairs that seems more confident aye?  Missed opportunities happen
each day, walk that is what I say so we can all achieve what we need to. yeah me rambling on but "hey"  death
was at my door, but I never let him in. Life is good . Hugs for a great scribble 
Hug Hug
SpacialRemedy Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
why don't you turn that bit of prose into a song? ;) 
AcaciaGreen Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Student General Artist
well written and sad, but inspiring. makes you want to be someone.
PowerfulStardust Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013
Great thought of imagination here! :star:
ninamaxine Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013
You made your mark in this writing. Bravo.
This this is really amazing YOURE THE BEST :)
TalonTali Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013
This is lovely, it really is. It's got this beauty about it, and I rather like it. Nice job.
selrachco Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Photographer
I read this again, something struck me about it. It's exactly what I wrote years ago. I take martial arts. My instructo said something that struck me. He said strive to be great at something. Not necessarily greater than everybody, but great within yourself. That's why I take M.A I want to leave my mark. Simple as that.
Scr1b3 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^ :iconthisplz:
selrachco Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013  Student Photographer
Here's your lyrics and songs. Take it away tubbs32. Lets see what you can  do!
Scr1b3 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
selrachco Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Photographer
Don't know shit about profundity-but still a good poem except this one word. LOL
SexySusie Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Photographer
Glad you like my pic...x
LALaShae Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013
Really makes you think!
CherryClown21 Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very well done! So true as well! I completely agree with you and look forward to seeing more! :)
decaf94 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I see this as not a downer, but a call to action...for everyone. Time is so short and life passes by so fast, we need to make the most of it every day. Thank you for that reminder!
NightOwl86 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can very much relate to what you wrote, i'm taking steps myself to change things about my life, they're slow steps but they are steps :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts, i think it's pretty inspirational!
peterjdejesus Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Hit me where it counts. I feel the same way.  For the first time in a long time I'm actually making active steps to a potentially better life, or at least trying.  The last ten years have faded into nothingness and I need that active positive energy I had way back when to get me going. Moss does not cling to rolling stones. I've started and if you feel this way, lets both get things rolling!  :)   
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